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About 3:52 into this hilarious YouTube video of Chris Bryant vs Kay Burley [via] she says:
“Presumably you changed your pin so that wouldn’t have happened”
I guess that if someone breaks into your house and you haven’t bricked up the doors and windows it’s your fault right?
He’s been compared to the Taliban a sexist, homophobic gang of cunts who brutalised a nation and killed thousands, and then in the same article is compared to the people who wiped out the Native Americans & started the Mexican American war, then he’s compared to Carlos the Jackal.
So who is this man, this brute, this degenerate scumbag? Surely he should be killed, or at least pushed over and kicked a bit.
Oh wait, that’s probably a bad idea ’cause it’s Stephen Hawking and all he said was that you don’t need a theistic god to explain the existence of the universe. The dastard.
Hello venture capitalist (or ‘dragon’ as they tend to be called nowadays) here’s a business idea for you, as the title suggests, homeopathic cigarettes, in case you don’t know what homeopathy is:
Homeopathy is a form of alternative medicine, first proposed by German physician Samuel Hahnemann in 1796, in which practitioners use highly diluted preparations. [from Wikipedia]
So here’s my plan, highly diluted cigarettes will require a small initial outlay, you’ll need to purchase one cigarette and smoke it, breathing it into the atmosphere where it will be diluted. Then get some bottles, open them, shake them1, close them and you’ve got your first batch.
Now the branding, I think “Air” would be a good name, think of the following phrases
“Can I have a pack of 10 Airs™?”
“Do you mind if I smoke this Air™ in here?”
Sounds good, so onto the marketing, this should be easy. Young people love smoking but aren’t allowed to, I can’t see the government stopping them enjoying a relaxing Air™ on the playground so you’ll own the 12-18 year old market. The second big market segment is people who want to smoke at work, winter’s coming and going outside to smoke in the snow or wind sucks. And Airs™ won’t taste of anything so no problems with them switching from their regular cigarette brand.
And finally customer retention and brand loyalty are important, here’s where I think Air™ has this covered, the gist behind homeopathy2 is this – “after each dilution under the assumption that this increases the effect.” so that cigarette you smoked to start the process was really addictive and now it’s been diluted into the atmosphere so is as addictive as anything could possibly be. I can envision a future where people are enjoying Air™ tens, hundreds or even thousands of times a day, I can even see 100% of the population enjoying Air™
So if you’re interested in my idea I’m willing to sell 0.5% of my company for $1 trillion, get in touch.
1 shaking stuff is really important in homeopathy, because it’s made up horseshit I guess
2 it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of physics, chemistry and biology, because it’s made up horseshit I guess
“Dear Lib Dem voter
Your leadership has sold out and betrayed your traditions. I ask you to look again at Labour” – Ed Milliband
Is New Labour so fucking old they can’t even remember Clause 4? I hope the Communists stand in North West Hampshire next time, otherwise I might not ever get a chance to vote for a left-wing party.
Just upgraded the site to WordPress 3. A few cool things:
edit: damn, I’ve now tweeted so that joke no longer makes sense
I’m definitely going to win the fantasy football this year with this line up (which will be better if the unlikely rumour that Wenger’s buying Reina for £25m turns out to be true).
Jose Reina - Liverpool
Bacary Sagna - Arsenal
Thomas Vermaelen - Arsenal
Laurent Koscielny - Arsenal
Gael Clichy - Arsenal
Jack Wilshere - Arsenal
Andrei Arshavin - Arsenal
Cesc Fabregas - Arsenal
Theo Walcott - Arsenal
Robin van Persie - Arsenal
Marouane Chamakh - Arsenal
The worst thing about Schleck’s chain problem yesterday isn’t that Contador sped past and took the yellow jersey, it’s that it’s being referred to as Chaingate.
I hope there’s some incident in the future involving famous people and a gate causing the majority of journalists to implode.
* The title is the obligatory Simpsons reference
This is my chance to be a less famous Godwin.
Phippen’s Law: As an online discussion, that is directly or indirectly about Ricky Gervais, grows longer, the probability of someone saying “Am I the only person who doesn’t find Ricky Gervais funny?” approaches 1.
I’m liking the iPad so far, it’s better than expected as an eBook reader. It has pluses and minuses over the Sony PRS-5051. One of the minuses is a bug on the font rendering on some, but not all, of my eBooks. The bottom of the g hangs below the page and appears on the next.
And it’s in the correct position as you can see when I take out the bottom/top of the pages.
It’s much more annoying for me than the justified text (at the moment anyway, the iPad’s big enough but it would be crap on the iPhone).
A second issue that all eBook readers have but I was hoping Apple would fix is the crappy way eBooks are sold. See this for an example what I’m on about, I can pay 59p for Doodle Jump or a bunch of other apps on the app store and get it updated free of charge. But if I find a typo, or 100 pages missing, in a book there’s a refund or nothing.
If publishers want to adapt better than the music and film industries surely the best way is to take advantage of the technology. If I see a typo in a printed book I get that it can’t be fixed, but if I’m paying nearly the same2 for an eBook that has DRM, can’t be shared and can’t be sold the least I should get is the words spelt right. Right?
1 if someone releases a 5 inch e-ink without the huge bezel (the 5″ Sony is barely smaller than the 6″) it will be a definite purchase as it will improve the size/weight/readability over the iPad
2 part of this is due to the stupid VAT on software, which includes eBooks, paper books exclude VAT
I was called ‘Sir’ in The Gateway yesterday. Twice. Bugger.