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Homeopathic Cigarettes

on tomphippen.com

Hello venture capitalist (or ‘dragon’ as they tend to be called nowadays) here’s a business idea for you, as the title suggests, homeopathic cigarettes, in case you don’t know what homeopathy is:

Homeopathy is a form of alternative medicine, first proposed by German physician Samuel Hahnemann in 1796, in which practitioners use highly diluted preparations. [from Wikipedia]

So here’s my plan, highly diluted cigarettes will require a small initial outlay, you’ll need to purchase one cigarette and smoke it, breathing it into the atmosphere where it will be diluted. Then get some bottles, open them, shake them1, close them and you’ve got your first batch.

Now the branding, I think “Air” would be a good name, think of the following phrases
“Can I have a pack of 10 Airs™?”
“Do you mind if I smoke this Air™ in here?”

Sounds good, so onto the marketing, this should be easy. Young people love smoking but aren’t allowed to, I can’t see the government stopping them enjoying a relaxing Air™ on the playground so you’ll own the 12-18 year old market. The second big market segment is people who want to smoke at work, winter’s coming and going outside to smoke in the snow or wind sucks. And Airs™ won’t taste of anything so no problems with them switching from their regular cigarette brand.

And finally customer retention and brand loyalty are important, here’s where I think Air™ has this covered, the gist behind homeopathy2 is this – “after each dilution under the assumption that this increases the effect.” so that cigarette you smoked to start the process was really addictive and now it’s been diluted into the atmosphere so is as addictive as anything could possibly be. I can envision a future where people are enjoying Air™ tens, hundreds or even thousands of times a day, I can even see 100% of the population enjoying Air™

So if you’re interested in my idea I’m willing to sell 0.5% of my company for $1 trillion, get in touch.

1 shaking stuff is really important in homeopathy, because it’s made up horseshit I guess
2 it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of physics, chemistry and biology, because it’s made up horseshit I guess

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