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the September 2010 archives


If the Advertising Standards Authority are supposed to set the standards for advertising why are the adverts allowed to exist


when they banned this advert for “because it mocks the virgin birth of Jesus”? (Although the advert is trying to do that immaculate conception is something different and even stupider)

Ice Cream

The thing is they didn’t ban the Marie Stopes ad )which was the right choice) but it’s just as offensive to Catholics. And didn’t ban the Paddy Power blind football advert which is offensive to anyone who isn’t a cunt.

The ASA say:

Marketing communications must not contain anything that is likely to cause serious or widespread offence. Particular care must be taken to avoid causing offence on the grounds of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability or age. Compliance will be judged on the context, medium, audience, product and prevailing standards.

One of those things is not like the others, you get to choose it and your choice can mean other people’s choices offend you. Will the ASA be banning advert for Arsenal games because they offend Spurs fans?

On the plus side there’s this tweet:

Like everything else it was the politician’s fault


About 3:52 into this hilarious YouTube video of Chris Bryant vs Kay Burley [via] she says:

“Presumably you changed your pin so that wouldn’t have happened”

I guess that if someone breaks into your house and you haven’t bricked up the doors and windows it’s your fault right?

The most evil man in the universe

Moans, Science

He’s been compared to the Taliban a sexist, homophobic gang of cunts who brutalised a nation and killed thousands, and then in the same article is compared to the people who wiped out the Native Americans & started the Mexican American war, then he’s compared to Carlos the Jackal.

So who is this man, this brute, this degenerate scumbag? Surely he should be killed, or at least pushed over and kicked a bit.

Oh wait, that’s probably a bad idea ’cause it’s Stephen Hawking and all he said was that you don’t need a theistic god to explain the existence of the universe. The dastard.

Homeopathic Cigarettes


Hello venture capitalist (or ‘dragon’ as they tend to be called nowadays) here’s a business idea for you, as the title suggests, homeopathic cigarettes, in case you don’t know what homeopathy is:

Homeopathy is a form of alternative medicine, first proposed by German physician Samuel Hahnemann in 1796, in which practitioners use highly diluted preparations. [from Wikipedia]

So here’s my plan, highly diluted cigarettes will require a small initial outlay, you’ll need to purchase one cigarette and smoke it, breathing it into the atmosphere where it will be diluted. Then get some bottles, open them, shake them1, close them and you’ve got your first batch.

Now the branding, I think “Air” would be a good name, think of the following phrases
“Can I have a pack of 10 Airs™?”
“Do you mind if I smoke this Air™ in here?”

Sounds good, so onto the marketing, this should be easy. Young people love smoking but aren’t allowed to, I can’t see the government stopping them enjoying a relaxing Air™ on the playground so you’ll own the 12-18 year old market. The second big market segment is people who want to smoke at work, winter’s coming and going outside to smoke in the snow or wind sucks. And Airs™ won’t taste of anything so no problems with them switching from their regular cigarette brand.

And finally customer retention and brand loyalty are important, here’s where I think Air™ has this covered, the gist behind homeopathy2 is this – “after each dilution under the assumption that this increases the effect.” so that cigarette you smoked to start the process was really addictive and now it’s been diluted into the atmosphere so is as addictive as anything could possibly be. I can envision a future where people are enjoying Air™ tens, hundreds or even thousands of times a day, I can even see 100% of the population enjoying Air™

So if you’re interested in my idea I’m willing to sell 0.5% of my company for $1 trillion, get in touch.

1 shaking stuff is really important in homeopathy, because it’s made up horseshit I guess
2 it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of physics, chemistry and biology, because it’s made up horseshit I guess